Do what makes you happy. This is the guidance many well-meaning folks give to us when we are making big decisions about our life — just do what makes you happy… like it’s easy or you even know what it is you want. Sometimes doing what makes you happy in the short term doesn’t align with what will make you happy in the long term (have you ever eaten too much ice cream and had a stomachache later?). Sometimes doing what makes you happy is making the decision to take a step towards a dark unknown rather than staying in the comfort (albeit less than ideal) of the known. Here’s what I have come to believe — doing what makes you happy takes courage, trust, and the willingness to let go of control.
Yesterday, I posted on Instagram that I have struggled with an inner bully who criticizes me, makes me feel dumb, ugly, and insignificant. I’ve fought against her, tried to escape her, projected her thoughts onto others, and ultimately allowed her to keep me small throughout my life. Because I gave her so much power in my adolescence and in my 20s, I couldn’t even hear my own voice guiding me to what I wanted or what would make me happy.
It wasn’t until I was 24, experiencing regular anxiety and panic about attending grad school, that I finally made a decision for myself about my future — namely not to go to grad school even though I’d already applied and been accepted. The relief I felt was immediate and immense. Six years later, I still don’t have it all figured out and certainly still outsource some of my life decisions/self-worth, but I am better at checking in with myself than I was and no longer blindly follow some imagined “this is how my life should play out” game plan.
It is important, when embarking on the “do what makes you happy journey,” to hold yourself accountable for your own choices. Everything we do is a choice. Even things that don’t seem like choices are, in fact, decisions you made about how to live your life. Where you live, what job you have, who you are in relationships with, where you spend your money… everything is a choice and everything has an impact. Embodying your own free will and sovereignty is a difficult, but absolutely necessary step on the path to figuring out how to build a life that makes you happy.
Some questions I’m thinking about:
Do I consider my feelings or other people’s feelings when making decisions about my life?
How do I want to feel daily? How can I achieve that feeling today?
Whose voice do I hear when I listen to my inner critic?
How has my inner critic kept me safe?
What to explore this topic and these questions more? Sign-up for my upcoming Transforming Your Inner Critic into Your Ally donation-based workshop! We will dig deep into our inner critic, listen to its needs, and tap into the part of us that wants to discover our happiness.
7 Wellness Podcasts to Listen to During Quarantine
Podcasts offer community when we are limited in our ability to connect, which is especially important during the Covid-19 crisis. From astrology to social justice, these thoughtful and deeply inspiring podcasts will offer juicy and insightful content to your day. We may have already been in quarantine for what feels like 239797845 days, but you’ll be able to fill at least another week with these podcasts created by and featuring inspiring women working to uplevel our collective consciousness. Hopefully these pods provide some comfort and edu-tainment that we are all craving during this wild quarantined time…
Week ahead tarot reading
This reading is slightly different than the usual Self-Care Spread I offer. This week, these three cards refused to stay in the deck as I spread them out, so I just accepted that these are what I was meant to read this week.
This week’s reading comes as Venus goes retrograde in Gemini. This is a time to review, reconsider, and reassess especially when it comes to aesthetics and relationships. Retrogrades are not necessarily the right time to make big or life-changing decisions, but they are a good time to revisit old patterns, so you may find yourself triggered right now especially in relationship.
There are two reversals in this reading, the 9 of Cups and 7 of Pentacles, both of these cards have to do with abundance and investments coming back around. During the retrograde, you may be challenged to revisit what abundance looks like for you and how the investments you’ve made in your relationships are working or not working. Where are you spending your time in relationship? How does it feel? Are you stuck, are you fulfilled, are your feelings reciprocated? These are all considerations for the retrograde.
The 2 of Wands is fully rooted in the earthly and tangible — namely finances and health. During the retrograde, and during this time in quarantine, we are called to consider equality and fairness as it relates to money and health collectively. If you have enough, reconsider how you can spread your wealth to achieve more equality in our community. If you are struggling, reconsider how you have asked for help and where untapped resources might be.
Interested in learning more about the Venus Retrograde? I’ve got a podcast rec for you in this article.
Stuff I'm into this week:
NEW TV SHOW: The Great on Hulu — I am loving all the rad feminist vibes on TV lately. While I am dubious about the intersectionality of this show (it is a semi-fictionalized drama centering on young Catherine the Great), I am excited to learn about another historical woman who managed to stage a coup, oust her husband, and become an effective leader. I have only seen one episode, but there are already 10 episodes available, so it’s very binge-able.
ON FRIDAYS I WRITE — As the Executive Director of Broad Room, I get asked “so what kind of artist are you” A L L T H E T I M E. I have been a maker, had solo art shows, been a part of group shows, and sold my work online and in-person — but I do not do any of those things now. I don’t usually talk about any of those experiences when answering the question (it’s long winded and people don’t really care), instead I say something like “I write, but mostly just grant proposals for Broad Room lol.” And that is 100% true. I’ve written two just this week, but I have not written much for fun in years. This new format for the newsletter has reawakened my interest in writing, which has inspired me to start writing and publishing a couple articles online. So, I decided to make Friday my writing day. You can read a couple articles I’ve written here. I talk a lot about artists giving themselves time and space to create (heck that’s the whole reason Broad Room exists) and it only took me ~20 months to listen to my own advice!
Thanks for reading, as always please drop a comment or send me an email to let me know what you’re into right now! And please, if you enjoyed this newsletter, share it with your friends/lovers/acquaintances/gurus/dogs/neighbors/dungeon masters/enemies!
*virtual* xoxo,
Claire