Earlier this week (idk the names of days anymore), a hairstylist friend of mine posted on Instagram that she was taking a break from heat styling her hair while we are under the Stay at Home Order. For some reason, this resonated with me. I’m not usually one to jump on an Instagram challenge bandwagon, but this one felt right. I’m now three days into it and I haven’t felt such overwhelming disgust with the way I look in over a decade (such a fun way to roll into month two of my 30s).
Clearly, this decision not to straighten and curl my hair (two things I’ve done religiously for 15 years — half of my heckin’ life) was triggering something deep within me.
I felt like I wanted to hide, that I wasn’t pretty enough to even exist in the world, and became o b s e s s i v e about making my hair look okay. The dryness and split ends we all I could think about. It wasn’t just that I didn’t feel pretty, I felt unworthy of even existing and exposed as not actually having it all together. Obviously, we are all worthy of existing regardless of how our hair (insert literally any other physical feature) looks, but my compulsive need to ‘do’ my hair everyday stems from being bullied in 7th grade. I was told I was ugly by my best friend’s boyfriend, then she took his side and we never spoke again. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to be pretty enough to exist in the world, and I really didn’t even realize how much control that incident still had over me a full 18 years later or how much energy I’d wasted on trying to be ‘enough’ just to exist.
Guess what, we are already enough. We deserve to exist, learn, and thrive precisely because we are here on the planet.
I’m still not in love with my natural waves or frizziness, but I am attempting to release some control over my hair and embrace a new level of acceptance of my self.
Welcome to Honest Mess Express
Thank you so much for being part of this virtual community for artists + creatives centered on caring for our personal wellness, sharing resources, and giving ourselves permission to do what feels good.
Every week, this newsletter will show up in your inbox with a message from me (Claire, the woman behind Broad Room), contributions from Honest Mess members, a week ahead tarot reading, and other interesting links/recommendations, and other stuff I probably haven’t even thought of yet.
If you want to learn more about the inspiration for Honest Mess, you can find out all about it on our website.
Some perks to look forward to/check out now:
HUGE LIST OF $$$, JOBS, SELF-CARE, & MORE TO SURVIVE CORONA PANDEMIC TIMES — this list will be ever evolving and could use some cleaning up, but I wanted to share it with you ASAP because there is a lot of potential funding and other resources available to artists who have lost income as a result of Covid-19.
BROAD ROOM’S WELLNESS WORKSHOPS — I’ll be hosting three online workshops through the end of April. The first one is Finding Funding as an Artist during Covid-19 on 4/14 1-2pm. If you can’t make it to the live webinar, you’ll get a recording the next day so you can watch or rewatch anytime! Sign-up for the webinar here.
HONEST MESS CLUB FACEBOOK GROUP — This will be a space to connect, share, find inspiration, and meet other Honest Mess Club members virtually. Just request to join + I’ll get you in as soon as possible <3
I’m sure more perks will be added in the future + if you signed up to donate any amount monthly to Broad Room, then you will also be a Broad Room Magician level member when we can safely reopen the studio!
Self-Care Tarot Reading for the week of 4/12
If you’ve ever received a tarot reading from me before, you may be familiar with the spread I developed that I call the Self-Care Spread. It features three cards and each represents a different part of us — body, mind, and soul (or higher self).
Both the Tower and the Hanged Man are two of the most challenging cards in tarot. They call on us to embrace the transformative power of destruction, invite us to view the world from a new perspective, and be revolutionary. The Six of Wands typically represents a feeling of having ‘made it’ or achieving success, but in this spread it is reversed (or upside down), which alludes to the futility of trying to be successful by any external standards. This entire spread represents the deep feeling of a need to breakdown, transform, and build back up a new society in the wake of this pandemic. It’s not a time for incremental change or spinning our wheels until things ‘go back to normal’, rather there is a desire in our collective unconscious to reimagine the world as something new. But before that can happen, we have to understand how we got here and hold ourselves accountable. We cannot skip over the uncomfortable part of transformation, we must invite in the darkness and know it.
Some stuff I’m really into right now…
Beyond Belief Podcast — I am a huge fan of Jericho Mandybur, so I was stoked to find out about her new podcast. Here’s the description from the website: From satanic feminists, dolphin communicators, to stigmatists—take a leap of faith with Jerico Mandybur on Beyond Belief as she teases out what it means to believe. Part enlightening conversation, part edu-tainment, hear how society’s “weirdos” believe, and discover they’re not so weird in the process. After all, we all want to believe in something.
Stay Home, Take Care — If you’re into rad + thoughtful newsletters, you’ll love Girl’s Night In, but I am especially taken with this new website for our current pandemic times. Here’s their description: A social distancing care package, curated daily to help you stay in and take care of yourself and others. It’s actually a v aesthetically pleasing site with a ton of free + accessible ways to spend your time at home during this crisis.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed this first edition of the Honest Mess Express! Please let me know if you have any comments, questions, concerns, or if I forgot to share something (that happens often, oops). Also, just a little nudge + reminder that Broad Room is still raising money for the Sacramento Covid-19 Artist Relief Fund. You can donate here and please share with your friends!
xoxo,
Claire